Brought to you by a guy who is tired of all of the bickering from the ladies:
None Other Than:
Matt
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered"1"
ON PURPOSE!
(submited by jason inspired by rebecca)1. something about women know how to cook, but they better stay away from the grill. its a guys place. wording is up to you. this comes from this weekend.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live
with it.
1. Don't cut your hair short. Long hair is always
more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting
married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and
anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes, tops. What
makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers
to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Check your own oil!
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in
an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
ask us. We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's
genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have
to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and
neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was
the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your
girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like a Windows default setting. Peach for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We will do
that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our
lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1.If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine.Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have more than enough clothes, and too many
shoes.
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to do
a quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for
you.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! They Just DO NOT WORK!!!
1. Packing a life's worth of clothes for a 1 week vacation is NOT necessary!!!
1. We do not only think about sex!!!...We think about cars, money, and food also!!!
1. We wear the pants!!!
1.We do not want a welfare broad. You need to bring home the bacon and fry it up when you get home!!!
That is the start of what will become the greatest list of guys rules of all time!!! If you are a guy and want to submit some more rules, feel free to email me at matthew.caras@us.army.mil and i will be sure to put them on if they are good