Submit an Answer Jimmy Jason Rachel Justin Kyle Mike Sarah Back To Top
Last Updated:9/29/05 .



Due to Lack of participation rescently, the game has been called to an end!!! I have given plenty of time for you slackers to submit your answers, but I have waited long enough!

 *NOTE*

Answers were chosen to be the winner by yours truly, The QuizMaster. I choose the winner by simply reading over each answer sent to me and then I choose the answer that:
1.Made me laugh the most
2.Was very off the wall but still made a little bit a sense as to what the question is asking
3.Or if only 1 person answered the question, then obviously someone has to win that point, so I award that 1 person the point. (*Hint* A lot of Jimmy's points are only because he is the only one that answered a certain question)
WINNER!!!
JIMMY!!!

Jimmy 47
Jason 19
Sarah 2
Justin 2
Rachel 2
Kyle 2
Mike 1



If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a Bullshit?

Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

Why is their light in the fridge but not in the freezer?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

Why does a gynecologist leave the room when a patient endresses?

If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?

Why can't women put their mascara on with their mouth closed?

Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say "hi, ny name is Bob and I'm an alcoholic"?

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

What would happen if you give Santa and Jesus swords and made them fight to the death?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

What do you call male ballerinas?

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

Why ARE Trix only for kids?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

If Practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?

If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?

If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

What would Cheese say if they got their picture taken?

If you take an oriental person and spin him around a few times, does he become disoriented?

Do fish get cramps after eating?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do one legged ducks swim in circles?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?

If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbits foot?

When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done wiping their butt?

When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Is the main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot?



And Now For Your Answers:
note:these answers are edited responses in order to make this more PG-13 rather than NC-17



If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a Bullshit?

 Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

 Why is their light in the fridge but not in the freezer?

well, this one i can't quite blame on the refridgerator companies because its not their fault, well you see what happened was one time this guy went around hacking people up and storing them in his freezer well for fear of getting caught he did it at night in the dar, and if he opened the freezer with that light on he would be caught so he took out the light, and someone came to his house and saw jit and thought it was a cool idea, and now thanks to these retards i can't see when im stumbling drunk looking through the freezer at 5 in the morning for my f***ing pizza rolls, d***it ... its not funny what are you laughing at its irratating, QUIT LAUGHING D***!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA

 If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

There are still apes because everyone was too compassionate to shot matt's mom, haha J/k

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

Im Helping Matt's mom get off hahahaha j/k

 Why does a gynecologist leave the room when a patient undresses?

endresses?? haha retard, He leaves the room because the girl is standing there looking at him like don't think this is some kind of strip tease, get out, you can come back when i'm ready, which i know Kyle's pretty used to hearing that being married and all

 If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?

No you only own it down to where the city has all the pipes and underground sewer spies and dead bodies of old politicians that would not conform to the neo-nazi ways

Why can't women put their mascara on with their mouth closed?

Your talking about women dude come on, they can't even stand up to piss i mean come on !!

Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say "hi, ny name is Bob and I'm an alcoholic"?

Personally i dont believe in all that support group s***, if you want me to stop drinking start waving some p***y in my face, then i'll be too busy chasing the p***y around to drink, sounds fair right?? Oh why is it anonymous hahahaha read the question dumb*** its not anonymous they only tell you that so you'll go then you get there your standing there with your d**k in your hand going who the f*** are you people and that's when it all goes downhill!!!

 If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

Hah How you like that f***er, i f***ing switched those ba****ds on your f***ing a**, yeah have fun editing this, and by the way that was the most retarded f***ing jewed up piece of fa**ot a** s*** I've ever seen, i really don't want to answer that fa**ot ass pansy f***ing b**** wh***mongering f***ing question god d***it
Depends on how much you can eat. Because some people can just eat more than others..Just because it's antipasta, doesnt' mean it's not something your eating, it could be plastic but still fill you up!

 What would happen if you give Santa and Jesus swords and made them fight to the death?

Haha, It would go a lil something like this: Santa "what the f*** you looking at you pansy b****" :picks up a sword: jesus "what the f*** did you say to me you f***stain a** punk b****" :picks up another sword: *CHING CHING BLING DING WING WANG PING DONG SHLONG* Santa jumps over jesus and jesus uses his magical flying powers to jump up and smack his b**** a** down!! then santa hit him with a left hook and a sword through the hand jesus screams like a b**** and looks at it, then he uses his magical healing powers and heals himself, then santa says you cheating b**** stop that and come down here and fight me like a man, then jesus came down with godspeed and powerslammed santa's b**** a** into the f***ing ground and buried that useless b***rd that never brings you the f***ing present you want!!!!
It's obvious that Santa and Jesus would have a great fight. Because Santa lives in canada, and everyone knows canadians are just plane lucky, i mean look at them now...it's a wonder why they arn't dead yet. Jesus on the other hand Is the son of god(is that true in judism 2 ;) o by the way i didn't know you were a jew matt)...i think Santa would win just because Santa is evil..I bet Jesus would "win" and then walk away leaving Santa alive, then Santa would jump up and kill jesus, starting a war between heaven and hell....then god sends out this ps2 hand held game to see who could possibly defeat Santas armies. OMG it happend already...JESUS IS DEAD!!! Who'S YOUR GOD NOW!?!?!?!?! now just who shall become the leader of gods army and defeat Santa...that is the question..bum bum bum..

 If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

0 DUH, any number times 0 is zero, its just going to be windier the next day so it will feel colder ... yeah thats right, dude the weathers so jacked up here the weather men are all drunk going "I donn't Knoww here in the mmaGIC wheelll" *spin* "well it's goiINN to be 75 and RAIIN *hiccup* haha
That means that it's going to be negitive a billion and two..while i'm sitting at the beach in my swim suit looking up at the hot sun...wow indiana sounds like it sucks.

 If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?

well if your jewish you pack it with rubber dildo's but the rest of the world uses packing peanuts
you put it in a box?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

Haha, ok the parking lot at the special olympics is just that, its special, all the vegetables and retards are on one side of the parking lot, and all the jews are in the back, and the "normal" people are up front and on the opposite side of the retards, is that a good description or do i need to draw your stupid a** a picture??
THat question makes no sence...because what i think your refuring to is that of HANDY CAPED spaces (did i spell that right?) and most of the people that are in the special olympics have family that are normal da**...ok what i'm trying to say is that either they are "special and can't drive or they can drive, but also can walk...i'm still sure that there would be more normal people there rather than "special people" ...Maybe they should have special parking for jews!

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Because you know how dirty those things get when you playing in the woods? Do you really think jane wants to cuddle up to something like that, so he shaved it for the b****es, something fergy would do. What a b****. But if you’re wondering how he shaved it, simple, a sharp rock and some banana shaving cream
When Jane came along, she did not want Tarzan picking fleas off of the monkeys and visa versa. She made him shave it with her razor because she brought hers with her. You know the whole girls pack to much thing. Yeah. So there you have it.
ok Bob Barker was walking through the woods when Tarzan came jumping off his trees and swinging and doing all that funky jive s*** that crazy cracker did, and he landed in front of Bob and was like listen here you old f***stain, The price is WRONg BOB, The price is RIGHT B****!!! and they started beatin the s*** out each other, well since you know Bob Barker is such a bad a** he punched Tarzan and busted his face open 2x and Tarzan fell out so Bob Continued on his way, when Jane followed Tarzan's path she found him laying there all battered up from Mr. Barker. In the effort to patch him up she had to shave the beard off and she took leaves and patched him up, well later that night Bob came back to apologize for beating the s*** out of Tarzan, well dips*** ... exuse me ... Tarzan wanted to go for round 2, well this time Bob hit him soo hard the beard never grew back, and that is why Tarzan doesn't have a beard
there really isnt a real explaination this only that the angry aliens back then didnt like the whole beard thing. this was also a time when people were getting out of the whole beard era. so he was trying to be a little modern for the current day. :: i was typing this while swinging through a jungle in Djbouti, Djbouti with my lap top on a harness and beating my chest, yelling....AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

You know I’m married so this is a question I believe I am most prepared to answer, yes we live longer, you know why, because we have a purpose. The men to serve the women, the women to drag out their lives as long as possible to make ours as miserable as possible, and on top of that since most women believe that they have given up the best years of their life for the marriage they want to get the most out of their investment.
Actually, I don't think so. I think that single people live longer because they have no one to bicker and fight with. When the bickering is bad enough, married people usually tend to "get rid of" the other one. (I decided to put it in nicer terms for all those married people reading this.) Single people are nice and quiet and have no one to bother.
this one's simple who is James bond? I'll take stupid trivia for a 1000 Quizmaster
i wouldnt know just yet. why dont you ask me when i die. I will better be equipt to answer this question. I might say well I have been married and i wasnt married and i like the married life better.. or better yet. i will get married and matt can stay single and we will see who lives longer. thats a good plan. come on matt, lets go!

 Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

They wear helmets because they wish to convey the appearance of a normal fighter pilot. Since Anti-Aircraft was targeting Kamikaze pilots first, and fighters in the sky were identifying the Kamikaze aircraft a Japanese pilot wouldn’t want to be recognized as being different, such as not having a helmet on, or by crying profusely.
Kamikaze pilots wear helmets because sometimes there planes wouldn't explode on impact it just kind of bounced off the s*** and they'd hit their heads and they'd get all dizzy and s*** and then our kicka** troops would capture them and they'd be alll dizzy and f***ed up and just leak info and we'd kill them anyway and they suck dick and im talking out of my a** cuz I have no clue what im talking about!!
Well those stupid kamikaze people of course like the fact of killing poor inicent people but they are stupid enough to think that they might have a chance of living after flying their planes into....well whatever they want to fly into. Their gov't knows they are this stupid so therefore these are the people that they always choose. (I hate stupid people)

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

because nobody wants to be hit in the face with a revolver, when he stops the bullets he looks cool, its like he look at that guy he just stopped a bullet, but if he got hit with the revolver then he would look stupid, its like hahaha that guy just got hit in the grill with a revolver.
Because I mean honestly if you had the power to stop bullets with your chest but you got a revolver coming at your head, what would you do, your head's not really bulletproof I would think, and superman sucks anyway, I always hated him he's too good you know what im saying like the only thing that could stop him once some f***ing s*** you could only find on one side of the earth and its miles below the surface, riiight, you know who a real hero is, the punisher, human, but just the badest motherf***er on the face of the earth dual M16's blasting down people, and he had a real reason for vengence, those f***sticks killed his family, well anyways, superman's a b**** that's why he ducks!!!
No, no, no, you see, superman actually catches the revolver and crushes it with his hand. he is not that scared. or, he's not scared at all. he is one person that i know of that faces his fears. although it may seem like he has no fears, inside he is really trembling because he doesn't want to mess up and kill an inocent bystander or reveal his identity. anyways, he doesn't duck, it's a trick. lol.

 Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

how would you know anything about eating out of our socks and decorating a dead tree, arnt you .....a jew, what is with lighing 8 candles at least we have fun
HaHa what the hell kind of question Is that?? Haha anyways, well you see the tree isn't exactly dead yet, and we are worshiping them for their mystical powers, and the socks are clean ok get of my back!!!
Well, that's why it is weird. There is no other holiday that you open presents on someone else's birthday. We are so greaty that we decided to turn God's birthday into a time when everyone gets presents except for him. Now, that is just weird.
Shut up JEW! ;)

 Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Thats because banks are greedy a** b******s and want you more and more in debt.
that is easy because banks suck, hey that guy is broke lets take more of his money d*** corprate b******s always sticking to a brother.
ok no you f***ing retard there are no such things as leprichauns i mean come on have a f***ing sense of imagination, quit using bulls*** like that to try to scam my title, haha jk, no but it really started when these magical pigs walked into the city and was like we are magical pigs and we were sent here to rob your banks for our overlord, the 6 foot a**hole, well they walked into the first bank and jacked all the money, they got to the second bank and the cops showed up and was like drop the money pigs, the pigs looked at each other and laugh, they started walking towards the cops quit f***ing around you guys i know your on our side, the cops looked at each other and went ah f*** it we're pigs to so they helped em rob the next bank, then they left town, well the banks didn't have anyone's money or a way to loan money, so they had to charge if you over drew your account, cuz they know your working and you'll get the money eventually and try to f*** your head off with stupid miscellaneous charges. stupid f***ing pigs had to go and f*** it all up for everyone else ... ... ... just so you all know i don't really cuss this much i just do it so Matt has to edit more hahaha
It all started with a tiny Lepricon. Well, i guess all Lepricon's are tiny, but anyways, he saw someone chasing after the pot of gold on the other side of the rainbow. But this person couldn't find it after looking for way to long. So the Lepricon wanted to be tricky and meet up with the person and make them pay a fee for chasing after the Lepricon's pot of gold. The person tried to argue that he never found it but the Lepricon didn't care. So the person paid anyways and went on with his way. If only he had protested and caused a riot, maybe we wouldn't have to pay those fees. So there you have it. Those greaty Lepricons.

 How come abbreviated is such a long word?

know that this is a bash on Americans, but hey what can you do right? Anyways, Americans are contradictory of ourselves. We use a long word to describe something that is used to make other words short!! IT'S LUTICROUS!!!! It's just like how if we need something to be done, then we won't do it if it requires to much work! do ya get the drift? (note: my question is not answering your question in a question form.)
because abbreviate feels special making other word smaller when he is so big, matt and i know what i am talking about. you know!
You know this is s***ty you know our language is messed up, we have all kinds of goofy s*** that don't make sense, but you still persist on degrading and being a lil cunt, you know what you're an a** Matt, Ahahahahahaha sorry
well i think that this cannot be answered simply with just one answer. but i will try. against common belief...there are no evil aliens, or angry stupid little people. i just think that webster has a little hair up his a** and was tired of spelling other languages the way they sound. English is the only languages that has so many words that arent spelled the way they sound. It is the only language that has so many gramatical rules. so therefore he gave up and jus started making all these stupid rules, just for the stupid Brits. and so there is our reason. THE BRITISH. since we mainly use English, and it came from England. STUPID BRITISH!
Abbreviated is such a long word because when the idea of abbreviation started they realized that people would need to practice such a difficult task. So it was decided that abbr. or is abbre? Would become the first word used to practice abbreviating. And as you can tell no one has yet mastered the skills of abbreviating.
This one as easy, so you an abbreviate it so the dumba**es in this world have an example to look off of, cause they cant figure s*** out for themself. For example an old friend of mine named Christopher, when he was younger he used to abbreviate his name as Christ....stupid kids

Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

This comes down to the fact that we are very lazy. We don't want to admit the truth about the batteries being dead, because then we would actually have to do something about it. so we are stupid and take our laziness out on the remote, which doesn't deserve it.
because you are an opitmist, and you are thinking please god give my remote the power to change the chanel cause i really dont want to watch cooking with Bob Dole, and we all know that if it wont change then that is what we will watch caues even though the TV is 3 feet away your not going to get up and change the chanel.
Well I do that s*** its because theres that one slight hope that you wont have to get off your lazy fat a** and put your beer down but you don't wanna get off your a**, s*** I'd try bashing the remote against the table so I don't have to get up, but you know what that just explains that Americans are fat and lazy haha!! Just kidding this is THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!!
because some little stupid rabbit that once said in a fable a long long time ago that said that if the remote doesnt work and you know the batteries are dead than try a couple things. one being press harder on the buttons, because this rabbit knew that the leg bone is connected to the hip bone and the arm bone is connected to the shoulder bone, and so on and so forth so there for the battery was some how connected to the button bone, and therefore if you press harder and harder that you just might squeeze out that little bit of juice that still may be in the battery and therefore enabling the change of channels and such.
It is true, people do such a dumb act, the fact is the people are so upset with such a minor task, such as getting up and changing the channel, that in the midst of their anger the begin squeezing the remote. Some believe that such effort will be rewarded with the last bit of electricity in the batteries of the remote. Others believe that the remote, in its fear of certain death, will come alive and change the channel, maybe do a little dance to, others are simply cave men.
I didnt know people did that...interesting....I think I'll go with the "dumba** theory" on this one. People are stupid and think that if they press harder the batteries will regain some energy or something, I dont know. How can a battery be dead if it was never alive to begin with?
You press harder b/c sometimes your finger slips and your nto sure if you hit it...or maybe just maybe a jew came it your house and f***ed up your remote just to see if you would get up and change it manually. but wiat whats that have to do with you pressing harder....you press harder because it's your last hope! what can you do if you can't change the channel? watch cooking all day! F*** NO! KILL JEWS!??!?!?!?!? <3 u Matt :)

If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

Well, Americans complain to much about everything. The employees did not want their employers to complain about not being paid for the work that they were doing. They figured that if they gave them money, which USUALLY shuts up most people, then they wouldn't complain nearly as much. They were right to an extent. Americans stopped complaining about not being paid. But then they started complaining about not being paid enough and about everything else. so they lost in the long run.
who ever said work is terrific, not me, they pay you because they have to , they dont want to pay you and if you asked them not to i am sure that they would say "sure why not, then when you leave and they say, "Ha haha, that guy is retarded" those exact words
Well who the f*** said work was terrific in the first place??? Anyways this dates back to around the time of the egyptians and the pharoah, ok the pharoah was like "build my pryamid you lazy f***s" and the workers were like "do it you d*** self b****" and he was like I will give you each a penny, and the was like ok sweet, then they all sat around singing tunes and building these pyramids then pharoah gave them a penny and made them leave the city, so they went out to other cities and they were rich now so they went to other cities and wanted people to do something for them and it's just continued over the thousands of years.
I dont see work as terrific. I dont really see what I do as work any way. I see it as a way of life. I mean once you join the military they own you. Its not a bad thing. They pay for everything...house.

Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

Why is a lot of stuff not spelled the way it sounds? (sorry I know the no question reply thing) check this out ... There was this underground midget club that worships dogs along a** time ago, and they were trying to think of ways to piss all the tall people off because they were mad at their misfortunes of being little people ... I think that's the term those ankle biters like. So they went to webster, and they were like hey we'll pay you 100 dollars, for a every word that you can't spell by the way they sounds. Webster agree'd and sure enough we still have those jacked up words cuz of him!!
well to make a shorter answer than jimmy's, the inventor of "phonics" wanted it to fit with the rest of the english language, which is not spelled the way that it sounds. they did not want to confuse those "confused easily" people by sounding it out, because then they would do that for every word that they had to spell out and they would be frustrated because they were not spelling anything correctly.
because fonics is funny looking and if we spelled all that words the way they sound the spelling bees would no be a fun, i mean who else want to spell Onomatopoeia, onomatopoeia,....o-no-mat-o-po-eia, onomatopoeia, HA i did it!

 Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

Ok this is another one of those club scenes ... You sitting at the bar drinking some long islands taking shots of tequila and your looking for that one girl that you wanna go home with, your overlooking the crowd, and your soo drunk you can't really see that far, so you oversee the girl of your dreams that you'd f*** for hours on end, then you end up go home with some mediocre b**** that gives you f***ing crabs and ...*scratch scratch* ...F***ing b****
They are opposites because when you look at something, you are examining it. so if you overlook it, then you are not examining it correctly. on the other hand, if you are seeing something, then you are glancing at it. therefore, you are "over"glancing it.
just to confuse the mexicans that are trying to learn english, take that you bastards!!

 Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

because a long time ago the wise man met this guy and he decided to train him to be a wise man, to take his place when he dies, anywho, the guy tried and tried to be a wise man until the wise man told him that he was not good enough. the guy swore revenge and decied to become a wise guy and stand for the opposite of the wise man. and that is the story of Jim.
the story of Jim, you know what you smart a** f*** off, no the real difference between a wise guy and a wise man all started with the early mobsters, you know like Capone and those crazy people, well anyways one day Capone was walking down the street when a bum stopped him and said i f***ed your mother, Capone said your not to wise, but you got balls, so your a wise guy, Capone then asked him his name, and the bum said Justin Turner is my name, Capone said Justin your ok and continued on his way when jesus walked in front of him, and told capone to straighten up or he was going to hell, Capone looked at him and said yeah i know, thats really wise, maybe i should clean up my act, you know you are a very wise man, and thus the difference
to be honest there is no such thing as a wise man or a wise guy. therefore they are opposites because they are contradicting themselves. think about this: "there are more women in the work force because more jobs are needed that have to have brain power and personal skills. guys are used to fill the jobs that use physical strength." - this part is actually true. then you may think, "'well the presidents are guys". Tis be true, but that is just like the fact how there are not supposed to be women preachers. It has nothing to do with men being wise.

 Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

Not necessarily, because if your expecting the unexpected, when the unexpected happens it is still unexpected because you didn't expect it.
You see back in CIA school, before I went to Nam, they taught us a valuable lesson becase *TOP SECRET*TOP SECRET*DELETED*TOP SECRET*TOPSECRET*DELETED*TOP SECRET*TOP SECRET*DELETED*TOP SECRET*TOP SECRET* DELETED*TOP SECRET*TOP SECRET*DELETED*TOP SECRET*TOP SECRET*DELETED* so they made us think about that, and you don't know what's expected, but you need to be watching everything, so you expect the unexpected...
yes but then the unexpected would become the expected.

 Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

The fat people threatened to sue the skinny people if we didnt make them equal. Kinda like the black people sueing the white employers for equal opportunity
well i think that if there was fat chance then atleast you have a chance to be fat, but slim chance means there is hardly a cry in the world that you have a chance at anything. example, there is a slim chance that EW 2 will turn out badly. but there is a fat chance that...ok on to my next point. you use slim chance in a sentence to describe a small chance, but you reply to a sentence with FAT CHANCE, like is matt going to stay with any girl for a long period of time...FAT CHANCE!!!
ok check this out, your in a club, your looking across the room at the most beautiful girl in the entire place and you look to your left and back to the right, on your left is a fat a** b****, and on your right is a skinny lil faggot, now in the middle of this club there is a large crowd you can't cut through, you see whether you go left to the fat b****, "fat chance" or if you go to the right with the skinny motherf***er "slim chance" your still going for the chance that you might get the girls number, thus the reasoning
I'm never heard Fat Chance, so i'd have to say..they don't! gosh why you gotta make fun of fat people..your going to hell for that!

 Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

Because baseball is a s***ty as sport filled with idiot fans that go to the games
People drink to many beverages and do not realize that they are already there. When they have had these specific beverages, they go into a dream world and think that they are not at the ball game. So they start singing about how they wish they were there.
well in reality you would sing take me out...as you are going to the ball game, but since we are american and we dont remember such simple things they decide to play the music during the game. and heck after the game as well. its kinda like a 'have to'...like when they play 'charge' music...'da da da dat da daaah..."every just has to reply "CHARGE!"
wow freshman actually had a good response, but this one will blow your mind. There was these 3 blind mice chilling under the bleachers right, and they were playing with these peanuts, hitting each other and what not, when all of a sudden they heard this MEOWOW, so they tried running, but they are blind so they were running into all kinds of s***, but then this dog came and ate the cat and looked at these mice. when the mice finally figured out what had happened they were ohh so grateful, after that they became good friends, so the dog brought them up to the top of the bleachers so they could all watch the game together. and then this giant elephant came up behind the bleachers and tipped it over trying to get to the peanuts and it was a killer elephant and he thought the dog looked really scrumptious too, so the mice started scattering around again because they didn't know what the hell was going on, and one ran into the elephant's foot. Naturally the elephant flipped out and took off running, this bringing the friends even closer. well they all went home together and got hammered for like a week straight in celebration of their triumphant victories over the cat and the elephant, well by the next baseball game time came around they were all drunk so they figured they'd walk to the game, and they sang it the whole way there and you know how drunk people are they just don't quit when something's amusing, this happened every week and every one was drunk there too so it just kind of became a tradition. lol GOD IM GOOD!!!! LOL rotflmao ahaaha beat that!!!
It doesn't really mean Take me out to the ball game, it's a government conspiricy theory ...it actually means..If yoru listening to this then you will buy PENUTS AND The other thing in the song...OMG i have to go the government is after me! ::runs and jumps through the window:: "ouch"

 If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

The world would end.
well this one is simple. you wouldn't. because think about it, who regulates the dictionary....no not webster. that guy is dead for the longest time. guess again...give up...THE GOVERNMENT. just like they regulate everything else in this world. because if you have two dictionary companies and one says that you spell boob like b-o-o-b and and another company says b-e-u-b, (blue) then how you you spell it. then again that would get interresting in school teacher says, "Now Johny, you spelling tickle wrong." and little johny replies..."I wasn't spelling tickle, I was spelling TINKLE, you know when you go to the bathroom and youi whip out your""OK!, johny i get the drift"
Cross reference it with another dictionary, you know there are other typesof dictionaries, more than just websters, if it was just a webstersdictionary it would be a websters, you know like q-tips are q-tips but theyare actually called cotton swabs. You follow?
You would when you compair it to other dictionarys, then you would use it in a paper and when you teacher marks it wrong, take her the "wrong" dictionary and prove her/him wrong when they're really right, that way they think your really smart and they hate you for forever!

 If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

Webster is a jacka**, he couldn't spell and was tired of being told that his spelling was horrible, so in effort to prove these wrong he wrote out all the answers to his spelling tests, along with spelling he also sounded the words out to demonstrate his reasoning.
well i think that he probably made most of them up. i know he wastn using commen sense when he thought about it. he most deffinently was American because who else would POOP with double 'O' and SOUP with 'OU'. ONLY THE AMERICANS.
One night Webster was sleeping and he was awakened by some russleing in his dresser. When he got up he saw a small little thing run away into his closet. He dove in after it and when he came out he had a black eye and a broken wrist. Since Webster wasn't going anywhere and was determined to see what was in his closet, the small son of a b**** that broke his rist came out. He said "i am the UNDERWEAR NOMBE, Feel my wrath!" Webster couldn't believe his eyes/ears, not to mention he had to tell his friends, not like they would believe himanyways. When Webster asked him what he was doing the Underwear knomb couldn't help but tell him his plan to take over the world! Phase one:Steal Underpants. Phase Two:... Phase Three:Large Profit. The Underwear nomb told him not to speak of this to anyone, or he'll kick his a**. SInce that had already been done Webster had no reason no tto tell his friends. Then the Underwear Knomb made a prestegous offer. If Webster kept quite he would make him famous, now at first Webster wanted to be a porn star. But The underwear knomb told him theres no magic that could fix his problem. So indeast the underwear knomb made a book of words. So now everytime you look up a word in a dictionary know that a UNERWEAR KNOMB made it. now thats scary.

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Whack, makes no since, people say whack as "in that is whack" to describe some that is not right, but when they say it is out of whack the also mean that it is not right, so the real question should be what is the definition of whack? And what is the right or "whack" way to use the word
i am a firm believer that WHACK was created by the 'black man' and no one with out the chocolate in their skin can feesably understand the meaning of WHACK. scary movie 3 explans this very well. need i say more
Ok check this out, another scenario, ok you have your typical jock, the slut, the token black guy, and the hack now god created these characters and he gave them all certain "coined" phrases, such as for the jock "righteous" and "steroids" and the slut got "f*** me" "put it in my a**", well "whack" was one given to the token black guy, and the hack wasn't given any certain phrase he just mooched off the others phrases, well the token black guy always knew when to use the word whack because it was his nature, but the hack didn't know what the hell the word meant so he just said it when it sounded good to him, but it was out of place, so if you're a token black guy you know when and how, or where to use the word "whack" but if you're a hack, then you don't know what the hell your talking about so shut the hell up skinny white boy!!!

 Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

no, cannibals do eat clown. It is a common practice in several tribes to devour the most annoying and the least funny. In my tribe I personally would have devoured Seinfeld and carrot top.
well i know i wouldnt eat a clown if i was a cannibal, but then again i wouldnt be a cannibal so i am going to shut up now...was that silence of a lamb???ha ha, i kill myself
Cannibals don't mess with clowns, because you know how they come to the sircus all cramped up in that tiny a** car like a bunch of mexicans, like 30 people in a freakin geo metro?!? Well a cannibal eats one clown and he's got 29 rabid "IT"s after his a**, and I don't care who you are that's scary s*** there!!!

 Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Because we do other less humane things then shoot them. Things such as, giving wrong directions, being outrageously rude to them, and all round a**holes while over charging.
well who told you that you cant shoot them?? sorry that was a quesion, but you know i currently live in germany, and i hear that during tourist season they do some pretty cool, i mean crule things to their visitors. but thats just europe for you. and those stupid stuck up french fry bass (fish) terds
Haha, I was walking through Destin(a highly popular tourist site) the other day and I came across this group of little b****rds that were all wearing high school shirts from somewhere in Illinois. They were extremely loud and obnoxious when all of a sudden a water moccasin jumped out of this creek and latched on to one of the annoying lil f***ers legs, so i just laughed and walked away, how's that for a tourist season story, we don't have to hunt them, the retards kill themselves haha

 Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

I point to my pee pee place
i knw i dont point to my wrist, i point to their wrist, would that also mean that i should point to their crotch when asking for the latrine? thats kinda freaky dont you think? some might get offended.
HahA some people if they have to go bad enough are holding their pissers while asking for the pisser, but like I said in question 2 its "immoral" who the ... Nevermind!!

 What do you call male ballerinas?

that is easy, but let me answer that question with another question what do you call a guy who likes to wear tights and prance around.....FAG
i am not saying that justin is wrong by any means, but although the word fag may describe a male ballerina, the word fag is to broad. i mean look around and how many gay guys do you see. they may not all be ballerinas though. so to add to his answer, i think that we should call these certain people....fagarinas. you may think to yourself that makes no sense, but hey who said that these answers had to make sense right?
A male ballerina would be a ballerino, as like in Spanish terms although he would still be considered a queer!! and that's that
I would say to preserve the total manliness of ballerinas, that you would have to make up a new word. Ballerino is good, I like that. Fagarinas are good to, I like that too. But you have to think about what they do. Not saying I would ever be caught dead being a male Ballerina, but they do hang on to, throw around, see, feel, touch, smell, and all around be with pretty skinny, skin tight wearing females. I mean how can you be queer and have that job. So the new word is Flooger-boppers.

 Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

because around the time of o lets say.....Jesus.. the first hand and the second hand got in to a fight and because the first hand is the leader he told the second hand that he is out and the third hand is now the second hand that is when the original second hand vowed vengeance on the first hand
when the people who invinted clocks thought about the finished product, they thought, well lets confuse those stupid americans because they are contradictory any ways. so that is exactly what they did.
ok this question goes back to the Martian's that had the fried bread that no human would eat!! well they ... I forgot where I was going with that, its too regulate the sanity among those of America, you sit there looking at your watch looking at the second hand and your going your the third hand, why are you the third hand, oh yeah the Martians, their time zone is a lot different from ours so they needed a third hand then they came down here frying up all kinds of s***, and then one lost their watch at their rally for that stupid f***ing setting on the toasters, then George W. picked it up and said "whea, thets a kewl watch, wE the PEopllle of ... oh look at the kitty ... Ammerica ... n ... n ... nee .. need ... shiit ... oh watches with 3 hands, to reguleate sanitization" then gore steps up "you mean " sanity" "ohh Yes OF coURse" so now we have watches that have 3 hands and the second hand is in reference to the time portion, not the numeric placement anyways Now answering this question is very touchy. I cant talk about Bush because he does pay my paycheck. I dont like talking about Jesus because well I am supposed to be a christian, and I would like to go to Heaven some day. I dont believe in Martians, because if they excisted then I think we would know about it by now. I think Americans are not stupid just...whats the word...mis-understood. So who does that leave me with...myself...so I blame myself for there being a mis-name on clocks. You can blame me too, I dont care. You may ask, now why would he blame himself. Well back in my other life when I was a Transexual Nazi Eskimo, I thought it would be funny and told my other Transexual Nazi Eskimo friend...Jew...about this time keeping device that I was going to make that had three arm like devices that moved around and I am going to make the fastest one called the second hand.

 Why ARE Trix only for kids?

because everybody knows that hookers and prostitutes are expensive so trix are the only thing that kids can afford on their allowance.
trix are said to be only for kids because every now and then you will here an adult say that they want to be kid again. so by if they eat trix they have to act like a kid. so therefore we get to see them act stupid and they get to eat trix and act like kids and go figure it was probably an adult who made up these guidlines. (the "sensored" version lol.)
well that's a touchy subject, you see trix used to be for every one, but trix is genetically formulated so that kids can grow up to be satanical warriors worshiping no one only fighting as mercenaries, sorry got carried away with that one but anyways, its genetically formulated, and when adults ate it, they would mutate into aliens that hate normal f***ing bread, then get pissed off and go protest in front of the white house dropping their retarded alien time zone watches with deliberators on them ... oh I could just see that now .... George with a f***ing deliberator "CLEAR ZAP ... aAHAHA *running away* ahaha I GOT YOU GOOD YOU STUPID F***ER!!!! *ZAP ZAP* AHA" ... oh so congress said screw this grown ups can't have trix anymore!!
I dont think trix are only for kids. I personally dont like trix because of the main ingredient..speed.. But I dont descriminate against people who like it...And its not only for KIDS, I have seen plenty of drug addicts use the stuff too. Believe you me. No I havent, I am drug free and proud. I even signed up with the MADD (mothers are dead dogs).

 If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

It's a useless time wasting song, and I really hate it!!
There used to be someone who cared about Jimmy cracking corn, but he realized he had a sad and pathetic life because all he wanted to do was watch Jimmy crack corn. Jimmy was a very homophobic person and thought this dude was gay, so he killed him. there is more to the song that nobody except me knows about. In this day and age with the FCC cracking down on anything negative on the airways nobody knows about it. it tells the story of the guy that used to care and what will happen if anyone else ever cares again. They will be murdered in the same horrible fasion as the previous person.
Well if my name was jimmy, and there was a song about my cracking corn, then I would probably hate it too. Lets think about this one, You dont hear stupid songs about Jason. That's why the name is Jimmy in the song. I mean it doesnt rhyme...Its just a stupid name, I think. And to live in Indian...like corn central...Boy thats gotta suck. Arent you glad you are in Florida?

 Can you cry under water?

Yes you can cry under water but the problem is that that no one can tell that you are. So hence the best of best men cry under water, which in fact also include the shower. So therefore the fact that remains is...uh... well I don’t know that the fact is.
I happen to disagree with part of Jason's answer ... "so hence the best of best men cry under water, which in fact also include the shower" I don't believe that. The best men never cry!! As for the actual question yes you can cry underwater, and that's about all there is too it.

 How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Well you have to make millions. When I get out of the army in about 20 -30 years or so I am going to become very rich and make millions and when I am tired of making my hard earned money made by slave labor ship in Indonesia, I will have some one with a really cool full name. You know that all successful assassins are known by all three names. John Wilks booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, etc. I can’t think of Reagan’s attempted assassin but since he didn’t succeed no one knows his middle name except his mother and himself.
ok back in the ancient roman times when 4's were confused with IV, there was this group of scumbags with great ninja wootabi skills. They sat around thinking what can we do to get really famous??? ...??? ... ??? then one stood up I KNOW lets just go around killing major politicians because they are lying dirt bags and no one will miss em anyways and billionaires so the people can have their money and we will all look like saints from the boondocks!!!! so when they killed someone they left their signatures on a piece of paper and said this was an assassination from the ninja wootabi saints, then everyone in town ran and grabbed their pitchforks and torches because they like the corrupt politicians and they wealthy it was just life and that's the way it was, so they were forced to leave the city then one day a guy came to there tent and said I am a lowly peasant but I want to be murdered by you it will make me look glorious. so the NWS said no way man your not worth the time, if you were in some way famous or had millions of dollars then we would, and so the peasant took out an Uzi and blew the poor bastards away. They had been assassinated by a lowly peasant, and it was an assassination because they were now famous!! so there!!!

 Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Well you said it...no 'decent' human. That says it all. You will always have the retard who wants to take everything to the limits and burn their toast and the normal people look at him and say, "gross, he burnt his toast." and then they think that he might some day become homicidal and kill many people. So they put him in an insane asylum. But then a sensible person comes along and says wait a minute, all he wanted was burnt toast.
Haha I have to laugh at Jason's very plausible answer. Although the actual answer was that Martians came down from Mars(well no s***) but anyways, they were grubbing through our refrigerators, and they didn't like it so they started shooting stuff up with their big "fricking lasers" *bewp bewp* and they burnt a whole loaf of bread, and said "whoaoaa dude ... That was sooo coool, wonder how that tastes now" and you know how screwed up aliens are, so they tried it, and they was like d*** that's good, so they stayed here on earth and ate burnt bread, but their lasers ran out of ammo, so they tried to sue the government for racism, and not showing compassion for foreign aliens, so the government made that setting on the toasters for those b****y f***ing illegal aliens, that come In and steal all the jobs for decent hardworking Americans that like normal f***ing toast!!!

 Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Ha Ha they do have the same tune, and yes I did sing it, oh well, but I never did realize that they had the same tune
well i dont know because i didnt just sing both songs. Ok you got me, I did. Well the thing is it funny how this came to be. All you have to do it do a google search on the two songs and you can see that this is not a government conspiracy, but rather a secret communistic recuitment thing back in the 60's. And that has to be better than Jimmy's answer.

 What disease did cured ham actually have?

Like my stupid a** would actually know that
This I do know unlike Jimmy. He may be stupid but I, on the other hand am very smart. Cured ham is ham that has been dissolved of all diseases except one. That one disease brought small pox on the whole world. So basically the morale to this answer is not to cure your ham, or else you will get small pox for sure.

 Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Speaking of ASSteroids, sorry had o make the joke, anywho. Because your a** is no where near as big as the atmosphere, except for Matt's mom, j/k j/k, but a hemorrhoid is in your a** because that's where it belongs, d*** it matt why must your question the universe that's the way it is leave at that!! You’re like a f*^$ing 3 year old ... Why? Why? Why? "D*** it kid, are you f*&^ing with me?" -bad Santa, hahahaha
On the contrary, we must question the universe. If we were to never question the universe than you would never be able to understand the meaning of life, which I also know. The asteroid comes from astro which derives from astros. And there you have the baseball team Astros. The hemorrhoid comes from the two hems, or cheaks of your butt, therefore you always hear people say my hems are killing me. Well you may have not heard that, butt I have.

 If Practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?

it's all something the government set up so that we will try and try but they know that we will fail, and since the government has a hand in everything they videotape it and they just like watching and laughing, believe me I've seen some of the videos they are funny as hell.
The videotape idea was my idea. Everyone knows that when I am home I always have the camera with me. Hence I work for the military, and the military is part of the government. But the practice and perfect spill has been going on since the beginning of time. Even before there was time God said I am going to make people work ten times as hard for something they can never accomplish and therefore putting off the fact that they have to question me. But we caught up and so now you can stop practicing.

 If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?

Pringles...Pop...Can't Stop...Plop.
I have answered this question hundreds of times before when I was a little girl a long time ago. They come with resealable lids because think about you open one can and finish that one, you open another can and you might be able to finish that, but on that 3rd can, you just cant give the rest of the can to someone else. Its your can, so you save it for the next rainy day when all you want to do is chow down on Pringles.

 If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?

The exception to every rule isn't really a rule it's more like a guideline, it would have to be in order to not be a ... What’s that word kind of like redundant, but not, anywho you catch the drift
Why when answering a question would ask another question. Who cares about the word reduntant. The quizmaster hasnt asked that question yet so therefore its irrelavent. Since there is an exception to every rule you always have some type of exception so the exception this this rule is that there is not exception to this rule. Take that. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

Aren't hearses uses escorted by a motorcade anyway??
Absolutely. I mean personally I have seen the movies, I know what happens to the hearse driver. You have to drive with some one else when driving a hearse. Its almost like an unwritten rule. If you dont you will be killed by the dead person, or so you thought they were dead. So since you are always driving with another person, yes you can drive in the carpool lane.

 What would Cheese say if they got their picture taken?

Ok Jason whats the deal with the bashing?? God, ok check this out you take a human and you take a picture they say cheese to get that big goofy fucking grin, then the cheese come up and say sphincter, and on the -er in sphincter you learn that cheese ... CAN'T F***ING TALK ANYWAY YOU STUPID F***ING MORON OH MY GOD!!!!!!
Such a lame answer. I say you also cant answer a question by the "quizmaster" with one word. So to answer this question I will ask this block of cheese what Cheese would say if they got their picture taken, and I wait for a response.

 If you take an oriental person and spin him around a few times, does he become disoriented?

acutally that happens to an american, but if you spin a oriental person around he does become, "dis-american-ated
we took this chink Wan Tang Bing a Ling Dong Chang outside in the back of the squadron, and we spun him around a couple times and he stumbled around for like 10 minutes so yes orientals do become disoriented!

 Do fish get cramps after eating?

yes and most people think they are dead because they float to thte surface, what the fish dont know and cant do anything about is that its actually a Playing Possum trick, but they lose everythim
fish don't have the lactic acid in their bodies that give them the ability to get cramps

 Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

no defffinently no, simple fact and point, no sex involved in infacy, so there
There is no possible way, the feeling of f***ing is just amazing and kids don't know what that feels like, well Jason doesn't either, but it might just vary between people, and Jason couldn't get laid in a monkey whore house with 2 tons of bananas, thats some crazy s***

 Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

of course not, they are deffinently british, so what do they take...coffee breaks
they take a break and do whatever the hell they want ... who actually takes a coffee break anyways you drink coffee while you work, then you go take a smoke break
i don't think that they would have to take coffee breaks. i mean they have all the coffee right there that they need. well the coffee packets. so they set a hot cup of water by them, take a packet out and just drink coffee while they are working!

 Do one legged ducks swim in circles?

i wouldnt know havent seen one
HA HA one legged ducks probably know they cant swim that well so they make the ugly ducking go get him the food
maybe the one legged ducks can just get in a line with the other ducks and use their current. you know like how geese fly in a "v" and they rotate so the leader can go to the back and get a break. that's what ducks should do while swimming.

 Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?

yes, and no explanation neccessary, if you need one than go back to middle school because i heard that way back then. matt you need to update you library of ?'s, a little outdated. kinda like the last time you had sex. ha ha ha, get it outdated. um...ok never mind.
Jason I like the CORNY pun. I have no idea! there ... not feeling that well today sorry for the lame answers
that could be dangerous. some "stupid" might come around and think that a golf ball is coming because they yelled "FFOOUURR", but they really just needed an IV. it could get pretty scary. so i think that they might call them medicine tubes. i know, i know, it sounds complicated but hey someone had to come up with it. lol.

 How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

how do you get a baby to say ma-ma, or da-da? practice makes perfect
They don't get deers to cross at those stupid signs, those retards jay walk, and that's why they git hit so much they are like those kids that like to go play in traffic, dodging cars and s***, but then they see the big bright heavenly lights and splat, well crush because the bastards hurt your car more then they get f***ed up.

 If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

if a successful question about a book about failures doesnt get answered, is it a failure?
I would have to postulate that the only way for that book to not be a failure was if that was the designed intention. If the book was made to fail, then it was a success, if it was made to succeed and failed then it would be a failure, kinda like if Matt goes to a club and tries not to pick up a girl then he wont, well either way he wont, s*** I forgot where I was going with that anyways

 If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?

if a dead man tells you he is dead you question him, or your insanity?
I would have to say, what kind of question is that, That's actually rather tricky because If Aaron said he's a pimp and failed his title does that make him a liar, or like if justin said he was spiderman and couldn't shoot webs, does that ... Nevermind I answered that last one, but ... D***it I can't stay focused today where was I going with that??? ... Umm ... Oh yeah ... If a chroni ... Oh look at the kitty ..... Kitty kitty that's a good kitty yeeessss whos myy little .... Umm ... Chronic liar ... Uh no

 If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

Good question Matthew, you see boys and girls synchronized swimming is actually for entertainment, and was created by Nazi's, They made a bunch of old jewish people swim in a pool around in circles doing a bunch of goofy s***, then one day one of them drowned, the nazi's laughed and said "haha all jews shall die!" So in order to answer your question, all jewish synchronized swimmers are gonna die anyways!! But americans aren't that stupid we try to learn from history, so we point and laugh at jews too ...And that's how synchronized swimming was invented kids ... Timmy wake up ...Mary Ann do you know what a penis is ... ... ... *she replies* what are you doing your not a priest!
ok lets see...well it really depends. i have read jimmy's answers and do agree about the nazis and the jew thing, because anything that crazy about jews has got to be correct. but my question being what if....wait a minute, trying to stay away from asking more questions. ok well then i cant think of any other way to say it except that....YOUR ALL GOING DIE!

If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?

You know what ... Those psychic hotlines are retarded its like ann hesch selling haircare products, hello you idiot she's wearing a wig, I mean come on how stupid do you have to be to realize that psychics have been scamming for hundreds of years, and forget miss Cleo, the only psychics I would ever even remotely trust would be the one's from louisianna like " YOU GONNA DIEEE"
ok on to this one. i know if i was psychic, i would have a hotline, and no i wouldnt call the people first because that would make me into a tele-marketor, and i am a psychic. wait a minute i can see the future. matt is going to ask more questions and someone is going to reply to the game with another word that makes sense with long. yeah thats it. so call me. my number is 1-800-i-know-everything and see me online at iknoweverything.com. if you want to know who killed JFK call me, if you want to know you next b/f's name call me, if you want to know how long matt is going to stay with his jewish g/f call me. NOT FOR LONG, ha ha ha, oops.

 If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?

Once again I have to state that psychic's are cheap bulls*** ripoffs, so yes I would plan one for them just don't tell Jason ... *Whispers* he let's the cat out of the bag!! Speaking of which, who's bright f***ing idea was it to put a cat in a bag and keep it a secret anyway don't you know they have sharp claws and can get out by themselves, that's why its not good to gossip kids
you can try but the thing is they will act surprised and, no, jason does not let the cat out of the bag. what kind of cruel a** hole would do such a thing. but then again what sick f***er would put the cat in the bag in the first place. speaking of first, wouldnt it be cool if aaron or marja would reply to the mass amounts of email we send them. i bet they just throw them in the trash.

 If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

well it really depends on if you fail to succeed, or succeed failing. because if you succeed failing than you have done the job properly, there for succeeding, but if you fail to succeed, than you didnt do that at which you have tried so long at. speaking of being long, i just had to piss, and let me tell you i have a long....way to go to get to the latrine, speaking of latrine, what kind of word is latrine any who, and who says any who? there's a ?, jew.
This is kind of like that question about the book about failures that succeeds or something like that ... You have succeeded at failing and thats exactly what you've done ... who would actually try to fail anyways??

 If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?

um...no, because the simple fact remains that crossed eyed makes things appear doubled and blury, (why did you just look at the screen crossed eyed, dont do that, your eyes get stuck that way, actually thats an old wives tale, and you cant actually get your eyes stuck like that, some people look as if they have tried but that is just their stupidity coming through. and back to dislexia, it makes you read letters backwards, so if you had dislexia and tried going crossed eye to read, the word the might look like eht eht, so therefore making you twice as confused as you already are, so dont try this at home kids.
ok cross eyed would make the writing look like this ... wrting this like ... but just a lil bit more bluryy and reading backwards (dyslexia) would just put the "this" farther back one and switch the writing and the like ... therefore NO STUPID!!

 Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

depending on how they were burnt and how much is left. take this example, for example, in this example you have a guy who works for a crematorium and his hand gets stuck in the burner and gets pulled all the way in and he dies, and gets burnt to a crisp, well than that crematorium is not functionable any more is it. than you must go to another crematorium, i hate typing that word, from now on crematorium means crematorium. so bob works at a crematorium and dies and the competitive crematorium finished him off for free as a business curtousy. and thats all i can think about as far as crematorium.
depends on how bad they are burnt, if they got burnt by the martians that love that stupid burnt toast setting, then i think they might give like a 5% discount, don't you love that, you're dead and you still get no respect, the price of being jewish i guess

 What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

I guess those endangered plants are screwed, survival of the fittest, sorry bout your luck
well i guess then you have an endangered food chain, and then the whole ecosysem will fail. then the whole human race will die. so if you see an endangered plant eating an endangered animal. i mean how often do you see an endangered anything. besides Jew. he's one of a kind. lets hope for normal children. so the next time you see an endangered plant eating an endangered animal then you better do something. like "Somebody help that poor man."

 What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbits foot?

You know what I don't believe in all that superstition stuff but I think that you should be alright as long as your not standing under a ladder when you do it ... yeah
well i am not sure what the current standings are as far as the years of bad luck for each object broken, but I know if you break the rabbits foot then you get doubled the bad luck. lets say rabbits foot=7 yrs, mirror=7yrs, (7x7)sqrd=2401 so that means 1 day of bad luck. that aint bad. good luck.lol.

 When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done wiping their butt?

their seeing eye dog licks em clean
well lets face it when you are blind you are not deaf to touch. so lets think about this one...do you look at your butt when whiping, because i know i just kinda know when i am whiping my butt, instead of my balls, or back. lets face it, why do i keep saying lets face it when talking about your butt? your butt is very sensitive to touch. i think a blind person would be ok. dont you?

 When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?

well you might think this, but this also brings another interresting conundrum that you might not have thought about is that the fact that vultures are cannibals. oh yes you heard me right, or maybe you read me right. i guess that you cant really hear me because you are reading this. the fact remains about the vultures that....eew..shiny
yeah one good last meal before they die!! now the real question is can they give themselves a blowjob before they die?

 Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

no we arent clean. the purpose for washing the towels is another government spook to get more buying of towels. when you wash things over and over they wear down. when things wear down too much people are forced to buy more. hence the washing of the towels. theoretically you could keep the towel forever if they were made good. but then again people buy towels for looks and not durability. so there
We wash it to waste money, something about fungus or other, well matt has to wash him with his nasty a**

 Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

well the mind is an amazing thing but it can only do so many things at once. i know that men will never admit this but the real truth is...sorry i had to stop thinking, i had to pick my nose...so back to what i was say...men will ne
I don't know about retarded jew, but i turn the volume up. Although i do have a theory on this!! Ok check this out, most people do in fact turn the volume down when they are looking for a house number, i postulate that when you are looking for an address (especially with someone else in the car) you dont wanna look like an idiot and drive by the place, because you concentrate on the music, and it makes it a lil harder to concentrate on the numbers of the houses, so therefor in order to concentrate on the numbers of the houses you turn down the radio. Boyyakah booyyakah!! (im jAAmAcian) ... Oh and by the way, Vision requires the most brain power, and some peoples brains just cant handle the capacity to ouput vision and hearing at the same time!! like Matt for instance!!

 Is the main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live?

Yes, and he makes a proposition with them, to be good and listen and have sex with him, only if they are hott, so he gets a blowjob, maybe some a** and you know if he can make it around the world IN and OUT of chimneys in a night, then he ... You get the picture ... yyeeaahhh
well if i were santa and i know who is good and who is bad then i might want to take a trip to the naughty catholic school girls house. he gives them something special if you know what i mean.

 If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Yes, ok check this out right, Ok there's this guy John, who has split personalities, Tony, and Vegas. He walks into his hotel room, and John calls Vegas a f***head, f***head ... I mean Vegas got pissed and said go f*** yourself, then Tony threw them into a wall andd both of you two f***stick retarded b****es knock that s*** off ... So then Vegas grabbed a gun took both of them to the lobby and said alright check this out!! Im gonna kill this f***er, everyone looked around and was like what's this moron talking about?? So then he went out front and the cops showed up like they do, and Vegas was still screaming, I'm gonna kill this moron, so the negotiator walked up and was like hey man calm down and stop talking in 3rd person, Vegas was like im not im goin to kill john and tony was like im gonna kill both of you f***ers, and the cop took it personally, and ... You get the picture ... yyeeaahhh
yes because even if you are sain, and you try to commit suicide and fail, which would make you a total retard any way, you would get convicted of attempted homicide. so if you have mutitple personalities, then you could get it worse, like Murder 1. sucks to be you. you better get rid of those extra people you freak.

 Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

Out on a boat in the ocean
where do the rest of us get away from it all? i go to my room and play on my computer, kyle goes home to play with his wife, justin goes to his dorm and plays with his "NEW" g/f, jimmy and matt go to their rooms and play with theirselves...HA HA HA!

 Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

The greaks started out with their alphabet and evolution paved its course... Yes evolution isn't just humans, and those f***ed up worm things!!!
I like to think not. if I made up the song I would have started with my name. It would have gone like this J-A-S-O-N, N-A-T, H-A-N, I-E-L-L-A-M-B. it would go to the tune of Mary had a Little Lamb, go figure. and yes in my alphabet you can repeat letters.

 Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

No I believe that would be soft serve ice cream fat a** f***ing disgusting nasty fat...*shivers* things that make you go ewwhwwh
yes and no. its all relative on the Lambsterbater Theory. The Lambsterbater Theory states that relative fat accumulated by one "skinny-dip" is equal to the lyposuction they should recieve on their next birthday

 If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot?

Usually you remember things after a lil while anyway don't you??
No...Don't you watch movies where they all of the sudden remember what they forgot...but when that happens they're like "What happend?" so if they rememberd that they forgot...then they wouldn't ask..DUH
well it depends on how much anti-pasta they ate the night before. anti-pasta is a chemical dietive that detects memory loss and recovers the membrain accumulated cells.